Personal
Lost, and Alone!
The situational circumstances that has changed everything in my life after Transition.
This is going to hit a little closer to my heart then I would like. Being a woman is the greatest happiness I could have ever obtained, because for the first time in my life I feel whole, but it has come with some of the greatest lost that I truly don’t think many understand or ever will without experiencing.
I am some where around my 6th year of transition and at a point of satisfaction, I have my vaginoplasty, my hair transplant and my wonderful HRT that has brought me this far. I wouldn’t mind a V line chin but for the majority I could live happily the way I am now. I truly believe I am beautiful, and while there are some who don’t, I am not worried, I know I look great.
The thing is now times have changed and in order to get here a lot has happened and I have lost so much. For anyone reading my stories you might see all the things I’ve gone through. Though I want you to experience just what it is that has happened.
So with my change things started off very slow, and like most other t girls the process takes time. Though as my change became more apparent, is when things begin to get really dicey for me.
Roughly about the 1 year mark I came out to my father, because my wife at the time already knew and so did my mother. I literally told him through a letter because I knew how transphobic he was. It didnt go well and basically was out cast by my father, even though I tried to keep him in my life through several visits.
At about two years I had started working on my voice and my change was starting to really show. It was roughly 2.5 years later that my very supportive wife left me for a man and backstabbed me. All the so called support swept out from underneath me as it was all a lie for her support.
Sometime around year 3 of changing I started losing friends, family, and had a full divorce with my exwife. It wasn’t pretty, but the kids wanted to stay with me. Which by the way they have been my guiding light through the thick and the thin and I love my kids too the end of eternity and back.
Roughly between year 3 going into year 4 I spent some time to myself, maybe 6 months or so before I met another girl who showed so much support. This new girl and I got married in year 4 of transition, although I had yet to get hair transplant and bottom surgery. Life started to pick up.
Year 5, I lost the last of my friends and family before my transition, they just couldn’t see me as there friend anymore. I think it was because too them I was someone else and they didn’t care they only saw the old me and it caused problems. My best friend who was there after my exwife left me also backstabbed me by calling out that I’ll never be a real woman, and I’m sorry that just destroyed the whole life of me that my supportive BFF didn’t see me as a woman. We argued and in the end I lost her too. I also managed to get my hair transplant roughly around this time. I was down to my new girl and my mom and kids as the only people in my life that accepted me personally. Although I will give a shout out to all the support I received from discord servers being supportive. Although, I did get kicked out saying I was a fake trans girl because I didn’t look like a trans woman. That was completely crazy.
So now I’m somewhere in the ballpark of year 6, and I don’t even know exactly how far I’m in year 6 but I’m here. But as of today, I’m a single woman now because the girl that has supported me has manipulated me, mentally, verbally abused me and now made threats to me and my kids with crazy delusional thoughts. I couldn’t handle the two face support, kindness followed by disrespect and insults to the point of making me cry emotionally for the last 10 days straight not mention the countless other times over the last two years.
Anyways, after it all said and done I am a single girl once more with my only friends that are online, and my mother and two wonderful children as my only support. I have no more physical friends though I guess I need to get out now and find some.
So with all that has happened, I have lost nearly everyone who was close to me, my friends, my family, and all who knew me before. I am a lonely girl with my happiness being pushed to the very edge of exsistance. Although, I want to say that dispite losing everyone else other then my mom and kids, I wouldn’t go back, I wouldn’t ever want to be that fake image from before transition. This is my life, who I was meant to be and if that requires me to be alone then so be it.
So the moral is if you are transitioning and making that change, even if it doesn’t happen, be fully prepared to lose everyone you hold dear because it weighs on you. Your heart needs to be 200% committed to this because it will come with so many challanges. Be strong, fight for your life, live for your happiness. Because when you look around the only person truly watching over you is yourself, live for yourself not for others.
Completing my body to the correct gender was worth the journey no matter how hard, even if no one but my mom and kids stood by me.
Live for you.
